Parting Words
by Woman of Letters
Summary: Spoilers for Season 2 Episode 1  In My Time of Dying . The words/thoughts of all three Winchester men about John's death.
1. Death Wish

_A/N Spoilers to Season 2 Episode 1, In My Time of Dying._

Parting Words

By CFEditor

Part I: Death Wish (Dean's POV)

You really had us fooled, Dad.

We thought you were trying to kill the sonovabitch, but then you sold yourself to him.

To save me.

I thought it was strange, how you told me you were proud of me.

I've been waiting for those words all my life.

I thought I was dreaming.

I should have known, then, what you'd done.

Then you had to mess it up... telling me I'll have to save Sammy or kill him.

Could you make my burden any harder?

Damn it, Dad...

Oh, of course, you're already damned...

All my life I've wondered, did you love me or just Sam?

Yellow eyes said Sam was your favorite.

Way to prove him wrong, Dad.

Why'd you save me, Dad?

I'd give my life for you in an instant, for you or for Sammy.

But you shouldn't be burning in hell for me.

I'm not worth it.


	2. Tortured Soul

Tortured Soul (Sam's POV)

by CFEditor

We stood there, watching the flames flicker,  
>breaking inside,<br>watching you burn,  
>but we didn't know that your soul was burning, too.<p>

It shouldn't surprise me.  
>Dean and I saw you, collapsed in the hospital,<br>when moments before you'd been so alive,  
>arguing over a ritual I knew you shouldn't do,<br>But you did it anyway.  
>And you did the one thing I never thought you'd do.<br>Treat with the enemy?  
>Dad, was there no other way to save Dean?<p>

Since you died, I lived with the guilt,  
>Of the constant fights,<br>of the son I was never able to be,  
>and there was no way to take back the words.<p>

None of us knew what you were planning, Dad.  
>Why didn't you tell us?<br>We were always your soldiers to command,  
>and never your sons.<br>So finally, you tried to be a father,  
>not just a general,<br>you traded your life for Dean's.

I know why you didn't tell us.  
>You knew I'd try to stop you,<br>Try to get the demon to take me, instead.  
>I'm the one the demon wants,<br>the reason Mom died,  
>the monster.<br>It should have been me, Dad.

But Dean and I - we still need you.  
>Now you're gone,<br>and we have to finish the job.  
>And in my mind, I don't only see the burning bones,<br>I see you burning,  
>screaming,<br>and there's nothing we can do.

We argued about this, too,  
>another one of our moments,<br>You said we should do anything to finish the demon,  
>even kill you,<br>and I had the chance,  
>you'd trapped the demon inside you,<br>I had the gun,  
>You said, "You shoot me. You shoot me! You shoot me in the heart, son!"<br>and I couldn't pull the trigger.

But now I can do it, Dad.  
>I can pull the trigger.<br>Whatever it takes... Dean and I,  
>we'll kill<br>the monster that took you, Mom, and Jess,  
>we'll torture<br>the sonovabitch like they're torturing you,  
>and make sure it never hurts another soul again.<p> 


	3. For My Sons

For My Sons (John's POV)

by CFEditor

It's always bad strategy  
>to bargain with a demon<br>knowing you'd give it all,  
>but for you I would.<br>I would trade  
>my life,<br>my weapons,  
>the fight.<p>

I'd let the Devil himself take them all  
>If it would save you.<p>

I trained you,  
>sharpened you,<br>honed your edges.  
>As children I toughened you,<br>forced you to face  
>terrors no human being should see,<br>to look the monster in the eye.  
>I came home destroyed,<br>wrecked,  
>demolished,<br>and there you would be,  
>my children -<br>Dean, hand on my shoulder.  
>"It's okay, Dad," you told me,<br>older than your years.  
>Sam, with your innocent eyes,<br>pleading, yearning for a life  
>I couldn't give you.<p>

When I came to parley tonight,  
>I wasn't thinking of you as soldiers<br>as troops to continue the fight.  
>No, I saw you as the children<br>I had destroyed  
>with my life,<br>my vengeance.

And the bastard knew  
>as soon as I put the Colt on the table,<br>that I would give everything.  
>My bluff was called<br>and I had to trade it all.  
>And I would do it again.<br>I would do it twenty times over  
>to save you.<p>

You're the best part of me,  
>the gifts that Mary left me,<br>the treasures I fought for.

Even in death  
>I could not forget the war.<br>I tried to make my peace with you,  
>but Sam, we almost came to blows.<br>You always knew when I was hiding something.  
>And Dean, I told you how proud I was.<br>But I couldn't leave it at that.  
>Because the war,<br>it doesn't stop.  
>I needed to prepare you,<br>to warn you.

That yellow-eyed sonofabitch  
>says you aren't a threat.<br>But it forgets.  
>You're Winchesters,<br>You're Campbells,  
>and one day you'll surprise it.<p>

And I'll be hanging from the scaffolding,  
>hemorraging blood,<br>suffering Hellfire,  
>But I won't feel the pain.<br>I will laugh.  
>I will laugh long and hard at that bastard.<p>

You're Winchesters.  
>You're Campbells.<br>You never give up.


End file.
